Twas the Protest before Christmas
- posted by Elmo on 2000-12-24 00:00:00
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the nation
the children were out of school on their "winter's vacation";
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the morn would find expensive toys there;
The merchants were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of dollar signs danced in their heads;
And Hillary in her 'kerchief, and Bill in his cap,
Had just settled down for a quick winter's nap,
When on the White House lawn arose such a clatter,
Bill sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
He would have gone for his gun, if he had the key to unlock it
So instead to the window he flew like a rocket,
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Made Bill think of breasts of some interns he knows,
When, what should his wondering eyes then find,
But a large group of protesters who are carrying big signs
That read "America is bankrupt" and "America for Sale"
Bill thought with sly candor how he'd see them in jail
For daring to wake him in the last month of his term
with yet another protest--he was sick of the worms
They chanted "Christmas is more than just presents and feasts,
light strands and Santa and holly-filled wreaths,
toy robots, computers and video games,
silly gadgets and other junk too numerous to name;
"First you take prayer out of schools, then the Commandments
then the very name of Christmas like some kind of word bandits
but that wasn't enough, you need more disgraces
so you ban Christmas trees from all public places
"Eugene, Oregon is where that began
But you PC Nazis will spread it all through the land
And you have the audacity to claim you do it for peace
When will the assaults on our time-honored traditions cease?"
Bill yelled back that they were all just perveyors of "hate"
The Constitution is clear: "Separation of Church and State"
But they replied "Show us where those words can be found"
in the Constitution, and we'll gladly leave White House grounds"
"You can't 'cause they aren't--that's a Communist notion
inserted by activist judges seeking promotion
based on the false premise our Constitution's somehow 'alive'
to be reinterpreted on whim--with nonsensical jive
"Once indoctrinated in America, you Nazis don't give an inch
what you could never get from Congress, you legislate from the bench
What you've done has our founders rolling in their graves
you took the freeest people in history, and made them your slaves
"What it says is that no law shall be passed by Congress
to any way restrict the way religion is expressed
and it also says the people have freedom of speech
How can you deny that includes people who teach?"
By then Bill was fuming, he'd heard enough from these freaks
he'd call up his cronies and jail them for weeks
How dare they assert such ridiculous theories
they must all be part of that "vast right wing conspiracy"
His thugs came with haste and beat them down with batons
and dragged them away while the biased media looked on
But I heard him exclaim, ere they were dragged out of sight,
"HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!!! ....(except to the Right)"
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