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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.---Mark Twain |
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| 2 |
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It is a miracle curiosity survives formal education.---Albert Einstein |
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| 3 |
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The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! ( I found it), but That's funny...---Isaac Asimov |
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| 4 |
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Space and time are not conditions in which we live, they are modes in which we think---Einstein |
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| 5 |
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are acutally rearranging thier prejudices.---William James |
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| 6 |
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Scientific truth is determined as much by the social climate of the times as by the dictates of reason and logic. |
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| 7 |
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Speak softly and carry a big stick -- Teddy Roosevelt
Speak softly and carry a tiny stick. But always have a huge ass stick hidden behind your back...
That way you always know you can beat the crap out of someone when they underestimate you. -- William Brian Williams |
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| 8 |
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A witty saying proves nothing.---Voltaire |
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| 9 |
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I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem. |
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| 10 |
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It is possible for your mind to be so open that your brain falls out. |
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| 11 |
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Chemistry is physics without thought, mathematics is physics without purpose. |
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| 12 |
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" |
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| 13 |
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In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds. |
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| 14 |
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.---Albert Einstein |
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| 15 |
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WARNING: This product Attracts Every other piece of matter in the universe, Including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses inversely proportional to the distance between them. |
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| 16 |
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The creation of the universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments.---PBS |
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| 17 |
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Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. |
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| 18 |
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, & the frog usually dies as a result. |
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| 19 |
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Life in a vacuum sucks. |
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| 20 |
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Philosophy is a game with objective & no rules; Mathematics is a game with rules & no objectives. |
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| 21 |
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.---Mark Twain |
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| 22 |
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.---Galileo Galilei |
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| 23 |
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Some men see things as they are and ask why. Others see things that never were and ask why not.---George Bernard Shaw |
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| 24 |
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People who take issue with control of population do not understand that if it's not done in a gracefull way, nature will do it in a brutal fashion.---H. Kendall |
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| 25 |
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Better to trade knowledge than somthing of value. |
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| 26 |
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Curiosity is a willing, a proud, an eager confession of ignorance. |
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| 27 |
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Blind Leading the Blind...government & politics |
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| 28 |
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As soon as men decide that all means are permitted to fight an evil, then their good becomes indistinguishable from the evil that they set out to destroy.---Christopher Dawson |
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| 29 |
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.---Mark Twain |
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| 30 |
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Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement. |
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| 31 |
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If you pick up a dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a man and a dog.---Mark Twain |
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| 32 |
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You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long.---Boris Yelstin |
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| 33 |
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Some are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet. |
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| 34 |
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. |
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| 35 |
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Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.---Abba Eban |
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| 36 |
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In capitalism, man exploits man. In communism, it's exactly the opposite. |
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| 37 |
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Democracy is the form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.---George Bernard Shaw |
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| 38 |
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When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.---Abraham Maslow |
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| 39 |
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Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.---John F. Kennedy |
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| 40 |
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America is like a melting pot: The people at the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.---Charlie King |
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| 41 |
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Famous Last Words: Let's ask those soldiers for directions. |
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| 42 |
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It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. |
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| 43 |
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Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions---it only guarantees equality of opportunity.---Irving Kristol |
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| 44 |
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.---Oliver Wendell Holmes |
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| 45 |
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Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity. |
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| 46 |
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The most solid stone in the structure is the lowest one in the foundation. |
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| 47 |
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The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.---General George Patton |
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| 48 |
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I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in the furthering of that version.---Oliver North |
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| 49 |
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To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. |
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| 50 |
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.---Salvor Hardin |
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| 51 |
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.---Mahatma Gandhi |
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| 52 |
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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.---Jean Cocteau |
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| 53 |
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I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks & stones.---Albert Einstein |
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| 54 |
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I am your king, and you'd better do what I say or else I can't be king anymore---B. Kliban |
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| 55 |
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Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.---Abraham Lincoln |
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| 56 |
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.---Napoleon Bonaparte |
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| 57 |
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People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.---Soren Aabye Kierkegaard |
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| 58 |
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.---Sir Winston Churchill |
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| 59 |
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.---Martin Luther King Jr |
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| 60 |
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Budget: A method for going broke methodically. |
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| 61 |
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Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. |
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| 62 |
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A closed mouth gathers no feet |
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| 63 |
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Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. |
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| 64 |
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Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object. |
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| 65 |
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Don't force it; get a bigger hammer. |
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| 66 |
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. |
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| 67 |
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I can give you a definite perhaps.---Samuel Goldwyn |
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| 68 |
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.---H. H. Munro (Saki) |
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| 69 |
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. |
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| 70 |
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A toast to bread, for without bread, there would be no toast. |
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| 71 |
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Two rights don't make a wrong, but three will get you back on the freeway.---James Wesley Jackson |
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| 72 |
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Doug's Veterinarian/Taxidermist, Slogan: "Either way, you get your dog back." |
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| 73 |
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The harder you fall, the higher you bounce. |
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| 74 |
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The mandatory beatings will continue until morale improves. |
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| 75 |
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Be nice to your kids, they'll choose your nursing home. |
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| 76 |
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I killed a six-pack just to watch it die. |
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| 77 |
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Deja Vu: The feeling that somewhere, somehow, you've been kicked in the head like this before. |
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| 78 |
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Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal. |
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| 79 |
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Make it idiot-proof & the world will make a better idiot.
A world full of idiot-prof products is slowly making a world full of better idiots. |
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| 80 |
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He who laughs last thinks slowest. |
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| 81 |
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Kamikazi Instructor: "Watch closely, I'm only going to do this once." |
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| 82 |
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Somebody hits me, I'm gonna hit him back; Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while.----Charles Barkley |
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| 83 |
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On a tombstone: "I told you I was sick" |
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| 84 |
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Life may have no meaning; Or, even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.---Ashleigh Brilliant |
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| 85 |
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I was married by a judge; I should've asked for a jury.---Groucho Marx |
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| 86 |
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Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.---Wendell Johnson |
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| 87 |
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Danger: Hard Head Area |
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| 88 |
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Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. |
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| 89 |
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If it doesn't fit, force it. If it breaks, it needed to be replaced anyway. |
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| 90 |
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Never put off today what you can put off indefinitely. |
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| 91 |
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The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. |
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| 92 |
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McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the ground like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. |
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| 93 |
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Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie, this guy would be buried in the credits as somthing like "Second Tall Man". |
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| 94 |
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We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people. |
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| 95 |
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I don't want to join the kind of club that accepts people like me as members.---Groucho Marx |
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| 96 |
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In workgroup 6-B, Chuck oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial roughly comparable to herding cats. |
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| 97 |
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The road to success is always under construction. |
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| 98 |
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Out the 10base-T, though the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall,.....nothin but net... |
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| 99 |
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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.---Abraham Lincoln |
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| 100 |
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The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest; with an axe. |
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| 101 |
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Television: A medium. So called because it is neither rare, nor well-done. |
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| 102 |
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Do not regret growing old; many are denied the privilege. |
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| 103 |
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Age is an issue of mind over matter: If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.---Mark Twain |
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| 104 |
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The cost of living hasn't affected it's popularity. |
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| 105 |
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This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.---Dorothy Parker |
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| 106 |
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Sometimes the best helping hand you can get is a good, firm, push. |
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| 107 |
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People who think they must always speak the truth overlook a sometimes better choice: silence. |
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| 108 |
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Character consists of what you do on the 3rd & 4th tries. |
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| 109 |
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Don't be afraid to go out on a limb; That's where the fruit is. |
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| 110 |
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No failure is ever final, nor is any success. |
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| 111 |
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When you remember how hard it is to change yourself, you begin to understand what little chance you have of changing others. |
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| 112 |
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Anyone who argues by referring to authority is not using his mind, but rather his memory. |
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| 113 |
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Call someplace paradise, kiss it goodbye.---The Eagles |
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| 114 |
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To understand beauty, one must first understand ugliness.---Benjamin Franklin. |
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| 115 |
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One thing about being a pessimist - you are rarely ever disappointed. |
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| 116 |
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.---Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower |
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| 117 |
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Do, or do not. There is no try.---Yoda |
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| 118 |
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.---Henry Ford |
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| 119 |
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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.---Antoine de St. Exupery |
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| 120 |
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.---Aristotle Onassis |
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| 121 |
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One of the secrets of life is learning to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks.---Jack Penn |
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| 122 |
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.---H. H. Munro |
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| 123 |
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.---Bertrand Russell |
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| 124 |
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly. -- William Jennings Bryan |
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| 125 |
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.---Oscar Wilde |
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| 126 |
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I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.---Dave Barry |
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| 127 |
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.---Lucille S. Harper |
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| 128 |
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.---Sacha Guitry |
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| 129 |
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.---Honore de Balzac |
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| 130 |
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The covers of this book are too far apart.---Ambrose Bierce |
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| 131 |
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.---Flannery O'Connor |
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| 132 |
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.---Voltaire |
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| 133 |
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.---Mark Twain |
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| 134 |
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I worship the quicksand he walks in.---Art Buchwald |
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| 135 |
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There is nothing wrong with change, so long as it is in the right direction. -- Winston Churchill. |
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| 136 |
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You may find after a time that having is not nearly as fine a thing as wanting.---Mr. Spock |
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| 137 |
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Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. |
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| 138 |
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Okay, we got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it's 90 miles to Chicago, it's dark out, & we're wearing sunglasses...... let's go.---Elwood Blues |
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| 139 |
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Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.---Abraham Lincoln |
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| 140 |
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If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me. |
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| 141 |
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Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off. |
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| 142 |
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No one is more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free |
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| 143 |
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Conformity is the antithesis of innovation---William Brian Williams |
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| 144 |
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Americans are f***ed. They've been bought off. And they came real cheap: a few million dirt bikes, camcorders, microwaves, cordless phones, digital watches, answering machines, jet skis, and sneakers with lights in them. You say you want a few items back from the Bill of Rights? Just promise the doofuses new gizmos.---George Carlin |
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| 145 |
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I hate quotations!---Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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| 146 |
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.---George Burns |
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| 147 |
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The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.---H. L. Mencken |
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| 148 |
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.---Albert Einstein |
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| 149 |
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Government is actually the worst failure of civilized man. There has never been a really good one, and even those that are most tolerable are arbitrary, cruel, grasping and unintelligent.---H. L. Mencken |
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| 150 |
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Cynic. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.---Ambrose Bierce |
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| 151 |
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Pessimist. An experienced optimist |
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| 152 |
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George Orwell was an optimist.---BeOS r5 one-liners file |
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| 153 |
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.---H. L. Mencken |
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| 154 |
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Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.---very wise person |
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| 155 |
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A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.---anonymous student |
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| 156 |
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School-days, I believe, are the unhappiest in the whole span of human existence. They are full of dull, unintelligible tasks, new and unpleasant ordinances, brutal violations of common sense and common decency. It doesn't take a reasonably bright boy long to discover that most of what is rammed into him is nonsense, and that no one really cares very much whether he learns it or not.---H. L. Mencken |
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| 157 |
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A jury consists of 12 persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.---Robert Frost |
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| 158 |
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Do they merit vitriol, even a drop of it? Yes, because they corrupt the young, persuading them that the mature world, which produced Beethoven and Schweitzer, sets an even higher value on the transient anodynes of youth than does youth itself . . . . They are the Hollow Men. They are electronic lice.--Anthony Burgess, referring to disc jockeys. |
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| 159 |
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Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.---Kin Hubbard |
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| 160 |
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The American Constitution, one of the few modern political documents drawn up by men who were forced by the sternest circumstances to think out what they really had to face, instead of chopping logic in a university classroom.---George Bernard Shaw |
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| 161 |
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Just because you have managed to pepper your superficial drivel with self-righteous caterwauling, an air of condescension, and complaints as vapid as they are unintelligent, doesn't mean that you have any idea about what you're talking about.---forgot where this came from |
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| 162 |
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Obscenity is whatever happens to shock some elderly and ignorant magistrate.---Bertrand Russell |
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| 163 |
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Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget. |
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| 164 |
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc jockey is not allowed to talk.---Fran Lebowitz |
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| 165 |
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Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.---BeOS r5 |
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| 166 |
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away---Philip K. Dick |
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| 167 |
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His mind is like a steel trap - full of mice.---Foghorn Leghorn |
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| 168 |
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A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.---Mark Twain |
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| 169 |
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Microsoft needs to get beaten REAL HARD with the Stop-Bloating-Your-Crap Stick. |
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| 170 |
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Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.---Ogden Nash |
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| 171 |
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I like sports because I enjoy knowing that many of these macho atheletes have to vomit before a big game. Any guy who take a job where you gotta puke first is my kind of guy.---George Carlin |
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| 172 |
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Year, n.: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.---Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
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| 173 |
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You'd better beat it. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.---Groucho Marx |
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| 174 |
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Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.---George Bernard Shaw |
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| 175 |
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Remember--you're not going crazy. You're going sane in a crazy world.---Unknown |
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| 176 |
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You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't.---Dagwood Bumstead |
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| 177 |
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A person should not believe in an "ism"--he should believe in himself.---Ferris Bueller |
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| 178 |
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America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America".--Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac" |
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| 179 |
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You know you're a loser when you try to sell your soul to the devil and he asks you for your credit card number.---Unknown |
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| 180 |
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Remember, even if you win the rat race - you're still a rat.---??? |
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| 181 |
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[The] mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit.---Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. |
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| 182 |
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You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.---some guy |
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| 183 |
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Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.---Richard Neville |
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| 184 |
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Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others.---Oscar Wilde |
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| 185 |
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I don't suffer from insanity. . .I enjoy every minute of it.---Unknown |
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| 186 |
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Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind.---Mark Harrold |
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| 187 |
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Could I have been anyone other than me?---Unknown |
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| 188 |
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.---Woody Allen |
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| 189 |
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I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there shall be at least one man to regret my death. -- Last will and testament of German author Heinrich Heine, 1856. |
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| 190 |
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Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.---Alfred Hitchcock |
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| 191 |
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.---Mark Twain |
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| 192 |
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I'm astounded by people who want to "know" the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.---Woody Allen |
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| 193 |
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We're all f***ed,it helps to remember that---George Carlin |
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| 194 |
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The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him.---Jim Samuels |
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| 195 |
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.---Rich Cook |
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| 196 |
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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.--Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson) |
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| 197 |
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Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?---Edgar Bergen |
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| 198 |
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Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.---??? |
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| 199 |
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.---Mae West |
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| 200 |
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.---Woody Allen |
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| 201 |
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My karma ran over your dogma.---Anonymous |
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| 202 |
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Automobile, n.: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.---a cop? |
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| 203 |
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The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.---Dudley Moore |
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| 204 |
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F*** soccer moms!!!---George Carlin |
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| 205 |
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Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters.---Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" |
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| 206 |
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The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.---Anonymous |
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| 207 |
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There cannot be a crisis next week!. My schedule is already full.---Henry Kissinger |
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| 208 |
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I wasn't kidding. I do have a test today. It's on European socialism. What's the big deal? I'm not European. I don't plan on becoming European. So why should I care if they're socialists? They could be fascist, anarchist pigs. It still woudn't change the fact that I don't have a car.---Ferris Bueller |
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| 209 |
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The trick is to stop thinking of it as "your" money.---IRS Auditor (Government Sanctioned Parasite) |
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| 210 |
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.---Woody Allen |
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| 211 |
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Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.---W. C. Fields |
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| 212 |
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That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough! I demand euphoria!---Calvin, of "Calvin and Hobbes" |
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| 213 |
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I'm not intending to imply insult or judgment here but I am curious to know in order to be able to respond to your posts in an appropriate manner, so please forgive what appears to be, but in fact is not intended as, an insulting question: Are you stupid?---Melinda Shore |
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| 214 |
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At a recent meeting in Snowmass, Colorado, a participant from Los Angeles fainted from hyperoxygenation, and we had to hold his head under the exhaust of a bus until he revived.---L.A. resident. |
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| 215 |
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We seem to have a compulsion these days to bury time capsules in order to give those people living in the next century or so some idea of what we are like. I have prepared one of my own. I have placed some rather large samples of dynamite, gunpowder, and nitroglycerin. My time capsule is set to go off in the year 3000. It will show them what we are really like.---Alfred Hitchcock |
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| 216 |
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I used to work in a fire hydrant factory, You couldn't park anywhere near the place.---Steven Wright |
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| 217 |
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Good advice costs nothing, and it's worth the price. -- Alan Sherman |
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| 218 |
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Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.---John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987 |
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| 219 |
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If you cannot convince them, confuse them.---Harry S. Truman |
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| 220 |
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Ross Perot. Just what a nation of idiots needs: a short, loud idiot.---George Carlin |
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| 221 |
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The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.---George Bernard Shaw |
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| 222 |
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Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world.---Mary Shafer, NASA Ames Dryden |
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| 223 |
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The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.---Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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| 224 |
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If people think nature is their friend, then they sure don't need an enemy.---Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. |
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| 225 |
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Life is suffering.---Unknown |
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| 226 |
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A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.---Edgar A. Shoaff |
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| 227 |
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People do not like to think. If one thinks, one must reach conclusions. Conclusions are not always pleasant.---Helen Keller |
|
| 228 |
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Don't apologize. I like your dark side.---Unknown |
|
| 229 |
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Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.---BeOS r5 one-liners file |
|
| 230 |
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The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion.---Edmund Burke, 1784 speech |
|
| 231 |
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Those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.---Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759 |
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| 232 |
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When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free.---Charles Evans Hughes, Chief Justice US Supreme Court, Opinion, June 17, 1925 |
|
| 233 |
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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.---P.J. O'Rourke |
|
| 234 |
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The (19)80's - when you couldn't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.---??? |
|
| 235 |
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Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.---H.L. Mencken |
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| 236 |
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The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.---Albert Einstein |
|
| 237 |
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I love Saturday morning cartoons, what classic humour! This is what entertainment is all about ... Idiots, explosives and falling anvils.---Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson) |
|
| 238 |
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"Intel Inside" is a Government Warning required by Law. |
|
| 239 |
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Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.---H.L. Mencken |
|
| 240 |
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Americans always try to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.---Winston Churchill |
|
| 241 |
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.---Woody Allen |
|
| 242 |
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The 100% American is 99% idiot.---George Bernard Shaw |
|
| 243 |
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The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are "100 percent American"...- U. S. Army (1945) |
|
| 244 |
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A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.---Louis Nizer |
|
| 245 |
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Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.---Groucho Marx |
|
| 246 |
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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.---Arthur C. Clarke |
|
| 247 |
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Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others.---Winston Churchill |
|
| 248 |
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America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.---John O'Hara |
|
| 249 |
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Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.---Jonathan Swift |
|
| 250 |
|
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.---Groucho Marx |
|
| 251 |
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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.---Groucho Marx |
|
| 252 |
|
You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.---Jim Samuels |
|
| 253 |
|
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.---BeOS r5 one-liners file |
|
| 254 |
|
You're a parasite for sore eyes.---Gregory Ratoff |
|
| 255 |
|
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.---??? |
|
| 256 |
|
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?---Milton Berle |
|
| 257 |
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Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?---Groucho Marx |
|
| 258 |
|
White people f***ed up the blues.---George Carlin |
|
| 259 |
|
I try to think, but nothin' happens!---Curly Howard, The 3 Stooges |
|
| 260 |
|
WindowsError:001 Windows loaded. System in danger.
WindowsError:004 Erronious error. Nothing wrong.
WindowsError:009 Horrible bug encountered. Unknown catastrophy has occurred.
WindowsError:00C Memory hog error. More ram needed. More! More!
WindowsError:00F Unexplained error. Please tell us how it happened.
WindowsError:010 Reserved for future mistakes .
WindowsError:014 Nonexistant error. This cannot really be happening.
WindowsError:01B Illegal error. Do not get this error.
WindowsError:056 Operator fell asleep while waiting. |
|
| 261 |
|
There ought to be at least one round state.---George Carlin |
|
| 262 |
|
Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.---??? |
|
| 263 |
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A gleekzorp without a tronpeez is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).---??? |
|
| 264 |
|
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- PERICLES (430 BC) |
|
| 265 |
|
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. --Murphy's Law |
|
| 266 |
|
Nothing is as easy as it looks. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 1 |
|
| 267 |
|
Everything takes longer than you think. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 2 |
|
| 268 |
|
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 3 |
|
| 269 |
|
If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 4 |
|
| 270 |
|
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 5 |
|
| 271 |
|
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 6 |
|
| 272 |
|
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 7 |
|
| 273 |
|
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 8 |
|
| 274 |
|
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 9 |
|
| 275 |
|
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 10 |
|
| 276 |
|
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 11 |
|
| 277 |
|
Every solution breeds new problems. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 12 |
|
| 278 |
|
Trust everybody ... then cut the cards. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 13 |
|
| 279 |
|
Two wrongs are only the beginning. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 14 |
|
| 280 |
|
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 15 |
|
| 281 |
|
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. --Murphy's Law, Corollary 16 |
|
| 282 |
|
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.---Chisolm? |
|
| 283 |
|
This is my house--If you don't like it, get the f*** out! --Eddie Murphy's Law |
|
| 284 |
|
Mother nature is a bitch. (Murphy's opinion) |
|
| 285 |
|
The hidden flaw never remains hidden. |
|
| 286 |
|
If George Washington were alive today, his likely first act would be to ask the U.S. Government to change the name of its capital.---William Brian Williams |
|
| 287 |
|
Roses would smell like sh** if we didn't have sh** for a reference.---Chris M Pfaff. Sr. |
|
| 288 |
|
Now you see... Evil will always triumph. Because Good... is dumb. -- Rick Moranis as Darth Helmet, SpaceBalls |
|
| 289 |
|
Why men would ever want to live with most women the way they've been acting these last few decades is beyond me. -- Heather Roscoe |
|
| 290 |
|
The promises of Woman, I write them on water. -- Sophocles |
|
| 291 |
|
A man is likely to mind his own business if it is worth minding. -- Eric Hoffer |
|
| 292 |
|
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big one on me. - Robert Frost |
|
| 293 |
|
It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question. -- Decouvertes |
|
| 294 |
|
Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs. -- Pearl Strachan Hurd |
|
| 295 |
|
Even a thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us. -- Friedrich Nietzsche |
|
| 296 |
|
Oh, What happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? |
|
| 297 |
|
Although difficult, in the end the chase was successful - we're having wild goose for supper. -- Ben Holland |
|
| 298 |
|
The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction. -- Wayne H. |
|
| 299 |
|
If the moon hit your eye like a big pizza pie, it might be amoré, but I'd be more worried about the interplanetary gravitational effects from this cataclysmic event. -- Paul Paternoster |
|
| 300 |
|
There's an old saying, 'Neurotics build castles in the air and psychotics live in them.' My mother cleans them. -- Rita Rudner |
|
| 301 |
|
Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It's beyond me. -- Zora Neale Hurston, U.S. novelist |
|
| 302 |
|
When I think of the number of disagreeable people that I know who have gone to a better world, I am sure hell won't be so bad at all. -- Mark Twain |
|
| 303 |
|
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate -- but looking for [her] is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza. -- Alf Whit |
|
| 304 |
|
I don't think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing. Until then we're stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians. -- Pat McNelis |
|
| 305 |
|
What If The Hokey Pokey REALLY IS What It's All About? |
|
| 306 |
|
The world would be a better place if people would just use certain phrases more often: 'Please', 'Thank you', 'Excuse me', and my favorite, 'Hey, don't I owe you money?' -- Robert Vanden Heuvel |
|
| 307 |
|
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. |
|
| 308 |
|
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. -- Drew Carey |
|
| 309 |
|
I went to a strip mall the other day. Let me tell you, I was disappointed. Everybody else had on clothes. |
|
| 310 |
|
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. |
|
| 311 |
|
Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer. -- Laurence J. Peter |
|
| 312 |
|
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the riches people in America. If I'm not in there, I go to work. -- Robert Orben |
|
| 313 |
|
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson |
|
| 314 |
|
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish? |
|
| 315 |
|
When picking out a pet, keep in mind that to a dog, you're family; to a cat, you're staff. |
|
| 316 |
|
I wasn't being entertained for over twenty minutes yesterday and I started to suffer withdrawal. I didn't have a TV, no book to read, no music playing, no video games, nothing. I got scared and wondered, 'Would I ever be entertained again?' I was just about to feel an emotion - yes, an emotion inspired by real life, and in the nick of time I made it to a cereal box and read the ingredients. Thank you, God! - -Bob Odenkirk |
|
| 317 |
|
Someone once told me that love makes the world go 'round. I had to laugh right in their face because, c'mon, everyone knows that what makes the world go round is a giant series of mutant gerbil treadmills at the core of the planet. -- Unknown |
|
| 318 |
|
Last week in the southern half of the country, a fierce tropical storm forced the cancellation of several N'Sync concerts. Scholars say this is the most conclusive evidence so far that God does exist. -- Conan O'Brien |
|
| 319 |
|
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel. -- Homer Simpson |
|
| 320 |
|
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. -- Spike Milligan |
|
| 321 |
|
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' -- Charlie Brown |
|
| 322 |
|
Don't knock denial: it's not just a river in Egypt -- it's a survival strategy... |
|
| 323 |
|
The truth hurts for a moment. A lie hurts for a long time. -- Dean's Rule #45 |
|
| 324 |
|
It's almost always more satisfying to do nothing and fantasize about what might have happened than to actually do something. -- Joe's Rule #12 |
|
| 325 |
|
[Murphy's Law for NiceGuysâ„¢]: When you are in a platonic relationship with the girl of your dreams, she will go out with countless insensitive jerks who treat her like dirt and you will have to painfully listen to her lament over her misfortunes in the arena of love. She will describe for you the sort of man that she is REALLY looking for, but she will never realize that she is describing you to a tee. The reason for this is that she does not really want the sort of man she describes. Most women prefer jerks whether they realize it or not. -- Sidewinder |
|
| 326 |
|
Not all men are fools -- some are bachelors. -- Unknown |
|
| 327 |
|
Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly. -- Robert F. Kennedy |
|
| 328 |
|
I live with my head in the clouds only because they happen to be the first step toward the stars - Jeremy Ficklin, 1995 |
|
| 329 |
|
There are two kinds of people who never amount to much: those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can do nothing else. -- Cyrus Curtis |
|
| 330 |
|
There are two types of losers in this world: those who sell out, and those who give up -- William Brian Williams, 1994 |
|
| 331 |
|
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. -- Albert Einstein |
|
| 332 |
|
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. --Sam Brown |
|
| 333 |
|
It is better to LOVE someone you could never HAVE than HAVE someone you could never LOVE -- ??? |
|
| 334 |
|
It is better to be HATED for who you ARE than LOVED for who you are NOT. -- ???? |
|
| 335 |
|
A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan |
|
| 336 |
|
Nobody's Perfect.
I am Nobody.
Therefore, I am Perfect.
- Jeeves 8P |
|
| 337 |
|
I am not perfect.
Therefore, I am Somebody.
- Nancy's Corollary |
|
| 338 |
|
If I had a nickel for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one nickel. - NerdGirl |
|
| 339 |
|
The Only Real Success is Being Able to Spend Your Life in Your Own Way - one very wise individual |
|
| 340 |
|
It's never too late to be what you might have been. - George Eliot |
|
| 341 |
|
Most people die with the music still locked up inside them - Benjamin Disraeli |
|
| 342 |
|
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the multinational corporations
and to the profit for which they stand, one interlocking directorate
under no government, indivisible, with monopoly and cheap labor for all.
- U. Utah Phillips, "Stupid's Pledge" |
|
| 343 |
|
Management Principle #148. Avoid the Impossible - Alan M. Davis, "201 Principles of Software Development" |
|
| 344 |
|
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. - A.A. Milne |
|
| 345 |
|
No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back. - Turkish proverb |
|
| 346 |
|
Never let it be said that I am an inteligent person.
Never let it be said that I am a rebel.
Never let it be said that I am talented, an artist, a dreamer, or a thinker.
Only let it be said that I am a person for whom the programming did not take. - Jeremy Ficklin, 2003 |
|
| 347 |
|
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.--Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860) |
|
| 348 |
|
Women sometimes forgive a man who presses an opportunity, but never a man who misses one. -- Unknown |
|
| 349 |
|
We should do away with the absolutely specious notion that everybody has to earn a living. It is a fact today that one in ten thousand of us can make a technological breakthrough capable of supporting all the rest. The youth of today are absolutely right in recognizing this nonsense of earning a living.--Buckminster Fuller |
|
| 350 |
|
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.--Jiddu Krishnamurti |
|
| 351 |
|
The great question which I have not been able to answer, despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul, is "what does a woman want?" -- Sigmund Freud |
|
| 352 |
|
Misery Loves Company. But so does Joy. And Joy throws much better parties.--Bill Ivey |
|
| 353 |
|
It's a Big Club. And you ain't in it!--George Carlin |
|
