Brian's Headbanging Journal

It really does seem like I have conked my head more often than usual since I created this site.  I guess that's what I get for theming my website around bumping my head, huh? Maybe it's like some kind of voodoo thing--whenever someone brains me on the site, I really do knock my noggin on the corner of a table or something. Of course, the more likely explanation is that I have been pretty darn busy lately. It is logical that the more I work on computers, the more I have to get down under desks to check cables and what not, and therefore the more likely I am to bump my head. Or maybe I'm just a clutz in denial.

Hell, I wouldn't have believed it either if I hadn't just done it. LMAO. After a record week for knocking myself silly, I done gone and did it again tonight. I hadn't been at work but about 30 minutes when I got an IM over the tech support network asking me to replace the memory in one of the MySQL server machines. OK, so I go and look through the racks until I find it, rather low to the ground under a bunch of other servers. Fine, I pull it out, no problem. Replace the RAM, go put it back in the rack and wouldn't you know it... sucker doesn't want to go in all the way. Fine, that's where brute force comes in. So I gave it the old heave ho and the server clicked into place.... as my forehead clicked into place against one of the other rackmount servers mounted above it... BONK! So, as you can see from the picture to the left, I have yet another knot on my head from this week from hell. What does this bring the count to now, five?! I would say it is Murphy's law... I shave my head so naturally Murphy is going to line it with lumps for the world to see what a clumsy dork I am... but this one stretches below my hairline so I think it probably would have been visible anyway. Looks like it has merged with the almost healed lump from last week, making for a super lump. Nice! Anyway, I still got another 8 hours ahead of me... I'll update this entry if I get any more lumps before the night is out lol. I swear, it's a wonder I'm not a drooling idiot by now

Well, I think after today I might be able to claim the title of clumsiest person on the planet. Three bumps on the head, and then I spilled coffee all over my chair. LMAO. I actually woke myself up this morning (well, afternoon) by somehow smacking the back of my head against the wall in my sleep. Fortunately it was just sheet rock I slammed into, but it still jolted me out of a sound sleep. OK, no serious damage done, but I was awake now. So I went outside to smoke. Then upon reentering the house I realized I had left my smokes and lighter outside, so I did an about face and whacked the oft-hit right corner of my forehead on the corner of the cabinet beside the back door. OK, so looks like the new injury may have added a little additional volume to the now-permanent goose egg I have there. Fortunately however, other than a bigger lump and a little headache now, there was no serious damage. So I went back inside to drink my coffee and check my email, and then when I was getting up to go start my day... somehow I manage to spill coffee all over my chair and even part of my bed. Finally, sometime later I am driving down the road and pass my parents' car going the other way. They roll down the window to talk to me, so I do likewise and stick my head out. After that I pull my head back in to take off and bonk the top of it on the doorjamb. Ouch! That one really hurt! I'm so glad I shaved my head the other day, so everyone can see this magnificent collection of ginormous knots I'm building. Lol.

Well, it was my first night working my new hours at the data center. 8pm to 7am. No big deal, I was originally hired at eCommerce to be a Windows admin and was working days, but last week two of their long-time linux admins decided to seek greener pastures without any advance warning. So yesterday I found out that (a) I was now going to be a linux admin as well as a Windows admin, and (b) I am now going to work the graveyard shift. At any rate, since I got the shaft shifts being the newbie, I figured I would at least make the best of it and get first dibs on all the cool sh** Tim and Ryan left. I asked my boss if it was OK, and he said sure. So, tonight I got in and transfered my PC and equipment to Ryan's old desk. All the time thinking, everyt time I move PC's around desks I somehow manage to knock my noggin at least once. So I was super careful. While I was at it, I decided to grab the Logitech Quickcam Pro 4000 and the nice set of 180 watt PC speakers that Tim left behind, since these cheap built-in monitor speakers I had just weren't cutting it. In the process of untangling the cables under his desk, you guessed it... WHAMO! Corner of head slams into corner of desk, which makes a lovely new knot every time! This time on my recently shaved noggin. Dammit that hurt, lol. At least the speakers sound great... they drown out the chirping birdy sounds and everything lol.

Last night some old friends of mine whom I had not seen for years came back to town and threw a huge keg party, with a Marti Gras theme (as if you couldn't tell from the picture). It was loads of fun, everyone consumed mass quantities of beer, a few got beligerent and were asked to leave to prevent a fight, and most of the people who were supposed to help clean up bailed. Not to worry, since I had came with the intention of putting the party to bed, I was more than happy to help clean up so they could turn over the JayCee's building in time for Crystal to get her deposit back. Anyway, as I was scrambling to get the 6 foot long metal-lined wooden tables put back on the rack where they were supposed to go, I stood one up on end against the wall so I could fold up the legs when. You guessed it! It fell over and the metal lining under the table top cracked me square on top of my noggin. Here is the actual dialog from the party: The table (slamming down on my head): WHAM! Me: Owwwww! B Cordero: Damn! Right in the face. Rudy: He's drunk! Crystal: Are you Ok, Elmo? Me (rubbing my head): I'm cool... Rudy: He"s cool! Fortunately I had enough alcohol in me that it didnt hurt too much (at the time) lol. Huge knot though, which I discovered when I awoke with a nasty headache this afternoon ether from the hang over or the head injury, or a little of both.

This is an honest to God conversation I had with my friend Gina not two days before this happened Gina: I haven't fell down any stairs yet today... lol Brian: That's good... I haven't hit my head in awhile either... knock on wood Gina: You'd better knock on wood! Brian: Oh, I did, don't worry. lol But apparently not hard enough... lol. After all the stress my family has been under lately, my brother, dad and I decided to take a break this morning and do a little relic hunting. As I mention elsewhere on this site, the land we live on goes back in our family for six generations. So we took a metal detector out to the field where the old homeplace used to be. Whenever we do this, we always find fascinating artifacts... well, this time while carrying the metal detector, I lift it up and over some brush and end up giving myself a large artifact on the top right corner of my forehead, right the spot where my hair parts... seems to be my favorite spot to brain myself.... it was right on top of the old lump I got back in June of last year.... so as you can see from the pic I got another doosey... but at least the detector didn't go off... no metal plates in my head! Although the way I keep going it is probably only a matter of time. lol. Next time I'll just knock on my head and skip the wood.

Well, now I can say I have hit my head on everything INCLUDING the kitchen sink. Well, bathroom sink but close enough. Yeah, my new place has a really small bathroom and there's not a whole lot of room to move around. I had dropped something. don't even remember what it was bent over to pick it up and when I raised back up. WHAMO! Corner of head into the corner of the counter top housing my bathroom sink. Now that was an unexpected jolt. And left a pretty decent sized lump as you can see from the pic to the right. And just when I thought all the head conking was over with after my record past summer! Oh well, like the title for this entry says, it's a new year so may as well expect some new lumps. At least I let my hair grow out over the past six months, so it isn't that noticeable

Just when I thought my poor head couldn't get any lumpier, I got whacked once more tonight. Yet again, hanging out with my buddy D. We were at his crib, having a few beers, and I was messing around with his electric guitar, showing him how to play one of the few songs I know, Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson. I thought it appropriate, considering Manson had an album called AntiChrist Superstar, and today is 6/6/06 and all. (Just to add one more dimension of irony to the situation, D is known by the screen name King_Damien online). So, you get all of these evil coincidences together, and BAMyou guessed it. I had just finished showing him the riff, and handed the guitar over to D, when his drunk ass accidentally clocked the top of my head with the tuning pegs from the neck end of the guitar (known as the headstock to you aspiring musicians out there). Alls I know is, I got a full headstock of lumps now at least seven from this past week... and my noggin is still singing. It may not be the mark of the beast, but something tells me I'm gonna have a devil of a headache in the morning.

Wow! I haven't whacked my head this much in one week since I worked as a computer tech for the school board! It is odd because for the past several months I was doing so good. Granted there were a few times I hit the old faithful doorjamb of my car and headboard of my bed, but they were so minor (and redundant) that I didn't bother listing them. But this week more than made up for it. Just the day before my last entry, I had woke myself up by hitting the side of my head on the headboard from tossing and turning. Slight lump but didn't bother listing. The next day I nearly split my skull on the concrete banister (previous entry). The day after that I hit the top of my my still-sore head on the doorjamb. no lump thankfully. But today was the kicker. I was down at my new parents' new place helping my friend D fix the wiring in the ceiling fan in the master bedroom. I ended up climbing up on the bed to hand him screws, tools, help remove screws, hold the fan in place, etc. And you guessed it: I whaked my head on the ceiling. Not once, but three times!  Granted, the ceiling isn't that hard and has a lot more give to it than the other things I have hit it on lately. However, it is a textured ceiling, which means each time was more of a scrape than a whack, and still hurt. Needless to say, I now have three more lumps on top of my head, as if the still-enormous goose-egg from the previous entry isn't bad enough.

After a wild night on the town last night, I think I set a new record for biggest ever goose egg on my head. And unfortunately, due to the fact that I shaved my head again recently and am getting kind of thin in the front anyway, it is completely visible. I snapped two pics this time to show different angles. It's a humdinger all right.

I wish I could say something cool, like I got in this wicked bar fight and someone broke a beer bottle, whiskey bottle, or chair over my head but you should see the other guy. Unfortunately it was nothing nearly that impressive. Thankfully it wasn't a car wreck either, though I never drive when I am that far gone. No, this was after all the marguiritas and beers, after I had gotten home. I wanted to smoke one last cigarette before I went in to crash. So I stayed outside under my carport, pulled the lighter out of my pocket and it slipped right out of my hand. Well, I bent over to pick it up and I crashed all right crashed the top right corner of my noggin HARD into the concrete banister that separates the carport from the yard. Needless to say, it didn't feel very good. But it didn't hurt all that much either, considering the alcohol.

Didn't really appreciate how hard I brained myself until the next morning when I felt the size of the goose egg: two inches long, and inch wide and at least a half inch above normal. You know you have a massive goose egg when not only does it hurt like hell, but the rest of your head hurts because your scalp is being stretched from the focal point of the swelling. Of course there could be some hangover in that headache as well.

Oh well, about an hour with an ice pack and three ibuprofins later and I feel better, though still have a whopper of a visible knot on my forehead. Think anyone will buy the bar fight story?

My friend Chris invited me to a Halloween costume party today at his uncle's house. Once again, a party involving kids and adults. Fortunately Candi wasn't there to kick me in the head again (j/k). However, there was this one kid who attacked me when I showed up in my midieval monk outfit with a dwarf mask on, and nailed me in the head and face like 3 times with his light stick before Chris pulled him off of me. Granted, the mask was a bit scary, but this kid was like 10 years old old enough to know it was a guy in a mask and not a monster. Chris told me it was his cousin, and he was a little punk anyway. But that did little to stop my noggin from throbbin for the next couple of hours. Stil have a nice double goose-egg right above my hair line for my troubles. I think there is a lesson to be learned here. From now on when I am invited by a friend to a kids' party, I will have to wear a crash helmet. Next halloween I can go as Evil Knievel or something. (Wonder if he had as many head injuries in his career as I have).

Well, I got invited to a birthday party for the six year old daughter of a friend of mine from several years back, whom I have mentioned in other parts of this site. The name she goes by online is Candi Clemens and she has also left a link to her blog in my guesbook page. Anyhow, she rented out this huge place for her daughter's party, with inflated slides and bouncy balls and the whole works. Unfortunately, only two kids she invited showed up. But, her daughter had a blast, and so did the adults. Candi and I went down the largest slide together, only she had this bright idea to go down head first as I went down feet first keep in mind Candi is one of the smartest girls I have ever met and has an IQ somewhere in the 180-range however, this was not one of her brighter moments. On the way down, she accidentally kicked me in the head so hard it knocked my glasses off. I was litterally stunned for like 5 minutes just sitting there rubbing my head staring off into space. Her friend asked if I was ok, she was like "yeah, he gets hit in the head all the time. He'll be ok." Anyhow, once I got my wits back I ribbed her mercilessly about it for the rest of the night. She did promise not to ever kick me in the head again by accident anyway. Love ya Candi.

There must really be something to that whole New Years jinx thing (see previous entry below). I went 18 days without head banging, but boy did I make up for it today!! Was running cable with Jeff up in the crawl space attic of one of our newer schools, Sinking Fork Elementary. We had to run cable at least a couple of hundred feet from the data closet to a new data drop in the front office. Well, every few feet there was a small steel support beam that we had to duck under to avoid braining ourselves. Jeff found that out the hard way early on. Because of his misfortune, I was extremely careful and didn't whack my head on a single one of them. I was so proud! Until we were almost done, that is... You guessed it; I whaled the top of my head - not on a small steel support beam like Jeff did, but on a major steel girder!! It's amazing that it didn't literally crack my skull I hit it so hard. Even more amazing that it didn't knock me out. Needless to say, it hurt like a mofo and raised one gigantic 2-inch goose egg on the old cabessa! Considering that for the rest of the day I had that swimmy-headed feeling like in the Table Top Tumble entry way below, I'm sure it was at least a mild concussion. But being the hard-headed trooper I am, once again I finished out the day's work - headache and all.

Just when I thought I was going to end the year with no more head trauma, along comes New Years Eve. Which means, being the master of procrastination that I am, I even waited to the last minute to crack my cranium once more in '04. To make a long story short, I went up in the attic at my mom and dad's house to help them put away Christmas decorations, and there are a lot of low rafters up there. And if you read the "Why Brained" page (and how could you be here had you not) then you know I have a special talent for finding them. So, let's just say I got to ring in the New Year by ringing my own bell. Isn't there an old superstition that says that whatever you do on New Years Day is what you'll be doing all year long? If so, then judging by the jelly bean sized knot I still have on my head today, it looks like 2005 is going to bring one massive bumper crop to my noggin. Fortunately, I've let my hair grow out long again, so maybe that will cushion the blows a little. On the bright side, my headbanging journal is very much alive in 2005.

Nearly a month had gone by with no major bumpage to the nogginage. I mean, there were a couple of incidents I didn't bother listing because they weren't anything new. Hit the back of my head on the headboard of my bed again a couple weeks ago, then rammed the top of my head into a keyboard drawer earlier this week no lumps to speak of, no big deal. Then on Friday I make up for it with the quickness. Went into a classroom to remove a defective computer for repairs I'm walking out of the room with the computer when the teacher says something to distract me then I turn back around and BOOM! I nearly put out my left eye on the corner of another one of those blasted TV mounts. I hit it so hard it knocked my glasses off and nearly knocked me out... needless to say, my vision in that eye was a little blurry for awhile I took off the rest of the afternoon to go see an eye doctor to make sure it was going to be ok. He said I did hit the eye slightly, but that there shouldn’t be any permanent damage thank God. Unfortunately, it left me with quite a shiner as you can see in the pic to the left. And today is my birthday to top it all. Birthday boy has a black eye as if turning 31 wasn't bad enough in itself :(

Another two weeks without a lump and I got all happy again. Only to have the complacency beaten out of me yet again. This time I was working on a computer oddly placed underneath one of those overhanging mounted TV sets in a classroom. Well I was bent over working on it, raised up fast and you know what happened. Corner of TV mount meets back of Elmo's head. And I got to see some TV stars. OK, maybe I didn't hit it that hard, but definitely hard enough to make me say ow and hard enough to leave a little bump on the back of my head. Well, remember how when you were a kid your mom always told you that too much TV would lower your IQ, right? Now I can see why why slowly rot your brain from inactivity when killing brain cells from blunt trauma is so much more effective? Oh well, about the only thing I watch on TV these days are sci fi shows and documentaries, so maybe there is enough mental stimulation there to counter the effect? One can hope.

Ah, 2 weeks without a lump and I thought I was finally settling into the new job and getting the clumsiness out of my system. Guess this is what I get for thinking. I hit my head 3 times in a row today to make up for all the lost time. Once was while driving around in the technology van, backing up to the storage building to load up some puters. Turned around to look behind to see how close I was getting and whacked my forehead on the window that was halfway rolled down. Pretty funny thing to hit my head on, I grant you, but it made a small but visible bump on my forehead for all the little middle schoolers to laugh at. Then to top it off, I banged both the back and the left side of my head later while under the desks running cable. I don't feel quite so stupid for those however, because no one was around to see it. And later that day, a little 6th grader whacked the back of her head on the same desk I did. So at least I am in good company, right?

Here it is Monday and already I hit my head twice. Today I had to get about 50 computers up and running in one of my schools. The janitors just piled them in the rooms in a terrible mess that I had to sort out. I had to get under desks, into tight corners and squeeze up against the concrete wall a few times. In the process I whacked the side of my head kinda good this morning. Then to top it off, I topped my head off with yet another knot by lunging under a table right into a metal support beam that keeps it together. I'm really running out of clever jokes and puns here. This is happening so much these days it is hard to keep the material fresh and interesting. Either that or the unrelenting head trauma has killed off too many of the brain cells that supply me with creativity. Either way, I am starting to keep a dull headache now from the constant bombardment, and it is starting to lose its humor even for me.

So much for saving brain cells! This morning I had to get under some desks for cabling and whacked the back of my head again - twice! That makes for a total of 4 lumps on my head - 3 in the last 2 days. Granted I didn't whack my head as hard today as I did Tuesday - but both times did produce an owww out of me. And close enough to the same place that the two knots have kind of merged to form one long knot. As if that weren't bad enough...- as you can see from the pic to the left, the other two from earlier in this week are still alive and kicking! And four fresh goose-eggs at one time is a new record even for me. It is a real good thing that I am able to make light of it, because all of this combined head trauma is starting to take its toll. I had a splitting headache earlier but thankfully the ibuprofin is starting to kick in. A line from a classic Bugs Bunny cartoon comes to mind, after bugs was standing on top of a train as it went through a tunnel and knocked him off, and then sit there on the tracks nursing the multiple lumps that just popped up on his head, "Well, I might not have made it to Chattanoogie, but I sure got a bumper crop"

Super dork does it again! Knocked yet another knot in my head, only two days after my last one that hasn't fully healed yet. (Still large, still painful). As you can see, the new one is on the other side of my head, almost symmetrical with the other one from the other day. (It is also large and painful). What is it with me and matching goose-eggs? lol. Anyway, I got this one from running cable again, this time in the Christian County High School library... the same CCHS that I graduated from 13 years or so ago. Thankfully no one saw it this time, especially any of the teachers I had that are still there. Anyway, I was once again bending down into a tight position under a table to feed some ethernet cable through, miscalculated, and whacked/scraped the top of my head good on the table top. It made a nice knot, but thankfully didn't hurt as much as the one I got Tuesday. If this keeps up, I will definitely set a new record for the number of self-inflicted lumps on my head at any given time. I can only hope my clumsy streak will sibside soon... while I still have a few brain cells left. Being a computer programmer, I might need them sometime.

Well, today I cracked my cranium pretty good. We were unloading old battery backup units we had replaced out in the schools, and as such had pull into the storage facility. Well, just outside the facility is a metal monkey-bar-like structure that I could not even begin to fathom the purpose of other than give me a massive knot on top of my head when I ployed right into it this afternoon. I was walking back outside to get my drink and thought ducked enough to clear part of it, but didn't see a second part of it and BAM! Skull cracking goodness! What makes it even funnier however, is that my coworker Jeff was sitting there laughing at me, thinking "I can't believe he didn't see it". Then not 3 minutes later he does the same thing and almost knocks himself out. And he has a nice red visible knot right on his forehead. The moral of the story: be careful when you laugh at someone else's misfortune, cause you never know when the same thing will befall you. I can't say I've never laughed when someone else conked themselves, but I can't imagine having earned all the lumps I've taken over the years especially within the past week or so. Good thing I like my job. Great thing I have a hard head!

Well first the good news I didn't add any new bumps to my head yesterday after my 5 star day on Monday. Of course the bad news is I made up for it today by knocking my head twice today. The first time I was standing in one of the technology vans, bent over looking for parts and raised up too fast and you know the rest. Add one more bump to the back of my head - pretty close to the spots I hit on Monday. But wait it gets better. Later I got to ride around on the fork lift moving about 40 monitors from one school location to another. There monitors were stacked higher than I am tall so when I go to pull one down from the top of the stack it was heavier than I expected and almost dropped it luckily the top of my head stopped its downward momentum. Luckier still it was still in the box, which has padding inside that undoubtedly cushioned the blow. Otherwise I would probably be in the hospital right now instead of typing this. But now I have two more fresh knots on my head, which brings the total head bump count to 7 for the week and it is still only Wednesday.

Today was a 5 star day - at least that is how many times I saw stars. OK, while I didn't actually hit my head hard enough any of those times to literally see stars, I certainly did crack it 5 times in a row this morning. Just started a new job working for the county school board as a computer maintenance tech. I had just remarked to someone online this weekend how miraculous it had been that I had been working this job for a week now with no headbanging. So I jinxed myself and made up for it this morning. We ran cable in a computer lab this morning, which meant a lot of getting up under the desks to pull the cables through. I whaled the back of my head three times coming up from under the desk, and then raked the top of my head on the edge of the desk going down. Then to top it off, one of my coworkers was horsing around with the 10-foot metal-tiped fiberglass rod we were using to push the cables through and accidentally whacked me again on the top of my head. That one was hard enough that he asked me if I was OK... hard enough to make a knot in fact. I actually have small knots on both sides my head right now. I do like my new job a lot, but I have a feeling this journal will be getting a lot more entries now than in the past. At least it was a productive day (I set a new personal headbanging record - 5 head bumps in one day).

As if I needed another reasons to hate windows. LOL. My computer is located on the floor in my home office, right beneath a window. A window with long curtains concealing the windowsill underneath with the nice sharp corners sticking out. Well, I bent over to switch out the head phones with my speaker system so I could listen to some loud music and BAM - I'm headbanging without the music - again! Instead of cracking the window, this time the window cracked me... but good. So, as you can see, I have another big ole bruise on the forehead courtesy of my computer. And I thought blue screens of death were the worst that windows could do. At least I can't blame this one on Bill Gates.

Well, since today is Cinco de Mayo it seemed like a clever enough title. Hey, I only make these entries after suffering head trauma so I can't be expected to come up with the most brilliant titles ever to grace a blog entry. LOL. Anyhow, looks like I can't even use the bathroom without cracking my cabessa. Let's just say I was in the bathroom tonight doing my business - leaning a little too heavily against the towel rack above the toilet. Said towel rack, being composed of cheap plastic, decided to snap in two quite unexpectedly. So my momentum caused my noggin to smack rather soundly into the rather solid tile wall behind the toilet. So now you can see the big ole knot currently swelling on top of my head. Oh well, seeing as how I've been growing my hair out again, it feels about right to have another knot parting it in weird places. Sure my head is sore, but I am more worried at the moment about the bitching I will undoubtedly have to soon endure for breaking the towel rack. Talk about a real headache!

LOL. Not even the hospital is safe for a super-clutz like me. Only I would knock my noggin while getting a CAT scan. No, the CAT scan wasn't for brain damage from all the headbanging. I had to go to the emergency room today for a kidney stone. Not at all fun. I've had them twice before, and they are definitely a 10 on the pain scale. One of the nurses told me that they are the closest thing to the pain of child birth that a man can feel. So, anyway, I found out that I was about to give birth to a 3 mm wide calcium rock that was lodged in my kidney. In order to find that out, they had to give me a CAT scan. And while sliding over from the stretcher to the bed that slides into the CT unit, I cracked my noodle on the IV machine. For a split-second, I almost forgot about the pain in my back due to the sudden sharp pain in the left side of my head. But then it was over, and the stong pain meds they had already given me almost kept me from getting a headache from it. Hooray for modern medicine!

Once again I knocked my noggin on the doorjamb of my car. This time I wasn't even getting in or out of it, I was just getting my order through drive through, and reached out to get my food and change, and when I pulled back in WHAM! You know the rest. Nice lump on the top of my head. The bad thing is that my head is shaved again, so every time I hit my head the lump is visible. Oh well, maybe no one will notice. What is worst is that someone I just met online predicted this would happen today. Just what I needed on a busy Monday afternoon - another headache. Another goose-egg. The question is, was it a self-fullfilling prophecy, or did she wish it on me? I dunno, but I took an advil and at lease the headache is better now.

As you can see from the pic to the left, I have quite a lump on my forehead this morning. I got it from whacking the heck out of my forehead on the back of the wooden chair next to mine at the table this morning, while bending down to deal with my cat who kept meowing at me. The ironic thing is that I don't usually eat breakfast. Of course, Murphy was smiling at me as always, since I had a job interview right after breakfast and I'm sure the oh-so-professional-looking lump on my forehead had swollen by then to the point it was noticeable. Oh well, the interviewer didn't mention it, although he probably chuckled on the inside. I just hope it is gone by my second interview on Thursday.

This one falls into the category of head lumps given to me by other people. Lots of lumps in fact. This girl, whose name I won't mention but her initials are Crystal Ann Holiday, thought it would be cute to whale on my head 6 or 7 times in a row with a large tube of hair gel. And what did I do to deserve this kind of punishment? I only told her that grape soda in her hair was a good look for her. Long story, involving a game of darts and very bad aim. And no, I wasn't the one who threw the dart or got soda in her hair. But I'm the one who got the knots on my head because I laughed at her. Oh well, I got her back by throwing a cardboard box at her head when she wasn't looking. It was small, and empty - unlike that full tube of hair gel. I keep telling her I'm going to give her a spot on my site because she hits her head more often than I do. She even made the comment that if phrenology was true, and you can tell someone's personality by the bumps on their head, then she has LOTS of personality. Well so do I... so do I... especially tonight. Ow, my head still hurts. :(

Actually this probably is the 22^nd time I've done this. Seems like every time I go to my brother's house to play D&D (at least once a week) I conk my noggin on his wife's candelabra that hangs right over their kitchen table. He tells me that the two of them are always doing it as well, so I don't feel too bad. I haven't been making new entries for each time I've hit it because a) it is a very frequent occurrence and b) it usually only smarts for a moment and doesn't leave a mark. But tonight I banged the top of my head into it hard enough to knock the thing way up into the air - which is a feat in itself because it is made of solid iron (the candelabra, not my head ;P ) and probably weighs 3 or 4 pounds. So this time it did give me a little goose-egg and I thought it worthy of mention. Besides, after 3 months without an entry, I wouldn't want you guys to think I had lost my touch after all. At least I don't knock a new knot onto my noggin twice a week like some people I know (love ya Brandy! c;)

Got knocked in the noggin again today - once again in a car - this time my friend Andy's car. We were out riding and all piled out of the car to go into a convenience store to get some drinks. Well, I was riding in the front passenger seat, and after I hopped out of the car I leaned back over to pick up something that I had left in the seat just as our friend Chris who was in the backseat behind me throws the seat forward anxious to get out himself. Now Chris is a big guy, about 6'5", and was pretty cramped in the backseat behind me, so his rush to get out of the car is understandable. He is also pretty darn strong when he wants to be, cause he slammed the top of that seat into the top left side of my forehead. Now it wouldn't have been so bad if my head had hit the cushion on top of the seat. But that would be too gentle. No, my head manages to slam into the plastic seatbelt loop sticking out of the top backside of the seat I was in. And we aren't talking flimsy plastic either - this was some solid plastic designed to withstand and hold the seatbelt in place against the force of a head-on collision. It sure withstood the force of my on-head collision - better than I did if that large swelling still visibly outlining the contour of my forehead beneath my hairline is any indication. Oh well, it was almost worth the lingering headache for the awesome belly laugh we all got from it. (Chris and Andy have both been to this site and know about my headbanging proficiency.)

Woke up with a real BANG again this morning. You guessed it - once again while tossing and turning in my sleep I whacked my noggin on the headboard of my bed. This time I hit the corner of the shelf right across the underside of my right eyebrow. I should thank my lucky stars (which I saw plenty of, let me tell you) that I just hit my head. About a quarter inch lower and I might have done some serious eye damage. Guess I'm lucky I hit my noggin instead. Anyway, as much as it hurt for a split second or so, I was so sleepy I just turned over and went right back to sleep. I wasn't even sure if I had dreamed it or not until morning when I awoke and felt this nice painful welp underneath my eyebrow. Oh well, at least it is pretty well concealed by said eyebrow. And on an even more positive note, at least I didn't lose any sleep over it this time. Hey, didn't I tell you guys I was talented? You gotta admit, it takes real genious to turn something as benign as sleeping into a dangerous contact sport.

I decided what the hell. As long as my hair was this short anyway, why not go ahead and buzz it really short as it grows so darn fast anyway? So I let my dad buzz it with the clippers on the shortest setting, 1/8 inch. Since this is the shortest my hair's ever been, and the first time that my entire scalp has been exposed to this degree, I didn't know quite what to expect. I halfway expected my head to be so lumpy that it looked like a tropical relief map underneath. While thankfully not that bad, I do have at least one noticeable lump-become-permanent-scar on the back of my head. And when the light hits it just right it does kinda stand out, as you can see in the picture to the left. I believe it is most likely from the time almost 5 years ago when I was packing up to move back to Hopkinsville and someone whose name I won't mention (but his initials are my dad) accidentally slammed the hatchback door of our old jeep down on the back of my head and almost knocked me out. Saw some nice stars after that one, let me tell you. At any rate, at least it is a small lump. And it doesn't look all that bad - gives my noggin a li'l character, right? Hey, I'd have been disappointed if there wasn't at least one!

Well, I did it again. I was setting up a computer for a friend of mine, and she had her computer desk setup in the kitchen for some reason, right under this extremely low-hanging wooden chandeleer. You can guess what happened - I bent down to run some cables into the back of her computer, and then raised up and WHAM - run the chandeleer into the top of my head. It wasn't that bad really. No stars, no lingering headache, not even much of a lump. But it just strikes me as funny the crazy places that people put their computer desks. I should get hazard pay for all the head trauma I've received from working on people's computers and hitting my head on nearby obstructions. Still, I have a feeling my friend will be getting a lot more computer generated lumps on her head from that chandeleer than I will.

Just when I had been doing sooo good! Over 5 months with no headbanging incidents worth mentioning, only to have my lucky streak came to a crashing halt tonight. Come a new year and I go and hit my head twice in a row. Neither of them were very hard mind you, but it was another one of those incidents too funny not to mention. I went to my brother's house tonight to hang out, which oddly enough happens to be the house that we all lived in when I was a teenager and even into my early adulthood, so I should know it pretty well. But Barry's wife is crazy about candles, and now the old place has been redecorated with candelabras and fancy steel candleholders hanging from everything, and literally sticking out of everywhere. I know this because just as soon as I walked into their house tanight I smacked the center of my forehead into one of them hanging from the ceiling right above their kitchen table, leaving a small mark right below my hairline. As if that alone wasn't funny enough, a couple of hours later I cracked my right temple on another one sticking out of the side of the archway that separates their kitchen / dining area from their living room. Two cranium cracks in one night, and both on similar odd-hanging candleholders! At least I know I haven't lost my touch!!

Woke up with a real BANG this morning -- about 4 AM this morning in fact. And I am BY NO MEANS a morning person. Apparently I was tossing and turning pretty good in my sleep tonight, and totally whaled the back of my head on the corner of a shelf in the wooden headboard of my bed. While this is hardly the first time I've ever smacked my head on the headboard in my sleep, it probably is the HARDEST I have ever smacked it on such an occasion. Not only did it wake me out of a sound sleep, but it also left quite an impression. So now I have this lovely new knot on the back of my head to part my hair on the other side for a change. So I figured what the hell? While I'm up, I might as well go ahead and snap a pic of this one while it is still fresh. Hopefully the swelling will go down soon so I can get some sleep before the sun comes up.

Hey, what's more fun than two lumps on your head? Why THREE lumps on your head, of course! Yep, yours truly just knocked yet another knot onto his noggin today. Went out to the car to get something out and got in too big of a hurry and BAM!!! Slammed the top of my head into the doorjamb again. Owww. You'd think I'd learn by now, wouldn't you? So now I have three lovely knots on my head, instead of just two. Wow, I haven't had this many simultaneous fresh lumps on my head in quite a while now! I almost feel like a kid again! At least the one from last week is almost gone now. This new one will probably linger around for a while--it's a doosey. I still have a dull headache and it's been hours now. Then again, the pain could be cumulative--my poor noggin has taken a lot more punishment than usual here lately. I've probably lost a few brain cells this week. Jeez, no wonder I can never remember anything!!

As if income tax day wasn't a big enough headache by itself, I now have another sizeable lump to add to the growing collection on my head. I was helping a friend, also by the name of Brian, to get his computer networked to a cable modem through an internet gateway. Yadda yadda, nerd talk, blah blah blah. Anyhow, the hub he was using to connect was temporarily sitting on his weight bench next to his computer. And to make a long story short, I dropped the cable, bent down to pick it up and CLANG!!! My skull made painful contact with a sixty pound dumbbell, making me feel like a bigger dumbbell for not being more careful. Especially considering I smacked my head right next to the lump I still had from where my other friend named Brian had accidentally clocked me in the head about a week ago. (I didn't update the site then because it was down at the time.) Oh well, I've been meaning to hit the weights for a while now anyway--this just wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Anyhow, I may not have massive firm biceps from the experience, but I sure have some massive firm knots on the back of my head. Maybe I should just start wearing a crash helmet around all my friends named Brian.

Another day, another bump on the head. Wouldn't you know it? My second day on a new job and already I bump heads with someone... literally! I was leaning over the top of an open case to explain something something to a client, but he didn't see me and leaned in himself - about 60 miles an hour at that - and WHAM!!! You guessed it, our noggins collided with a vengeance. I think I got the worst end of the deal - the other guy was at least wearing a baseball cap to soften the blow to his brain basket. It was his fault, and he couldn't stop apologizing for bumping my head. After the initial daze, I thought it was pretty funny myself, and told him not to worry... I had a pretty hard head and it would take a lot more than that to do any serious damage. My cranium has taken a lot worse punishment than that, just recently in fact. I told him I thought I would live, maybe. I did have a bit of a headache for much of the afternoon, but it's pretty much gone now. Still have a nice lump for a souvenir though. Hmmm... I wonder if his knot was as big as mine?

I nearly broke my previous record for the biggest ever goose-egg on my head this past Friday (Oct 26th), as well as nearly breaking my skull! On Friday the main AC went out in the server room at the office I am working now--which meant to keep the computers from getting too hot the boss was going to have to crank up the backup AC, which also spills out into our work area. Not to worry, I volunteered to close the ceiling vents in order to keep us workers from getting too cold and also to increase the amount of air flow to the server room. The room has high ceilings, requiring me to stand up on tables in order to reach the vents. They all held my weight fine except for the last one, which unbeknownst to me was not even fastened on to the cubicle beside it but was merely leaning against it. I found that out the hard way when the table fell over and I fell on top of it. And you guessed it--the side of my head collided quite soundly with the overturned top of that very solid inch-thick wooden table after plummeting my full height plus the height of that table. I must have one really hard noggin--a softer one would have been knocked out for sure! Like so many times before, I picked myself up right away--though I felt a bit dizzy, my neck and shoulders a bit sore, and I could already feel the goose-egg coming on. Nevertheless, when the boss came bolting out of his office to see if I was ok I told him I thought so--and I worked the rest of the day head wound and all. The blow may have given me a slight concussion though, because I kept a dull headache and a light-headed feeling the rest of that afternoon--especially the first few hours afterwards. It definitely gave me one whopper of a knot above my right ear, as you can still clearly see in the pic to the left--taken more than two days after the injury! While it stands out even now, the swelling has gone down considerably from its peak on Friday--when it was at least twice that size! Don't worry about me however--I may still be a little sore, but I'll be fine. My head has already survived its fair share of larger-than-life lumps, though I must admit this one ranks up there with the best of them!

Today I was doing the tech support thing. This involved me leaning over a client's shoulder helping him with a software issue. To make a long story short we solved it, and then I reared my head back up to go do something else and conked my forehead into an overhead desk lamp that was hanging way out into the room. I didn't hit it hard enough to leave much of a mark, but it was pretty darn funny. Especially later on when he called me back into the room to help him with another issue and I did the same thing again. Once again I didn't hit it that hard, but we both about died laughing from the sight of it. I do have a small red mark on my forehead now but nothing to write home about. Hey, I'd say I got off pretty lucky this being Friday the 13th and all. Two knocks on the noggin and not even a genuine lump to show for it.

I was doing some database work for a video store in Clarksville, TN when the this massive storm just came out of nowhere. The rain was pouring down in buckets! I suddenly remembered I had left my car windows cracked and bolted outside in the pouring down rain and lightning to roll them up. You'd think after the thousand or so times I have gotten in and out of my Saturn I would know its dimensions better by now. But with all that rain and lightning I was moving faster than I was thinking, and I threw open the door, darted in as fast as I could and slammed my head into the doorjamb so hard that I almost stumbled back out into the rain. Forget all those rumors that Saturns are nothing but plastic and fiberglass--at least the doorjamb is solid as steel! Not only do I have another lovely goose-egg knot parting my hair even as I type this, but I also had a nice low grade headache for the rest of the afternoon--as if complex database integrations weren't challenging enough on their own. Lucky me.